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Welcome to Parenting Place!

This page is for the people that have the toughest, yet most rewarding job in the world … PARENTING.

This page features stories, ideas, and guidance to promote healthy children, parents, and families of all kinds.

“No … because I love you” said Marla (*) to her 14 year-old daughter, Karissa.  Marla had struggled for years trying to please her “tempermental” daughter, which would lead to Marla giving in to Karissa even when she didn’t want to.  Marla explained her daughter’s happiness was always the most important.  She would say ’yes’ after Karissa would display sadness, anger (temper tantrum), or guilt directed at her mother.  Today, for the first time in a direct and matter-of-fact way, Marla set a loving limit with her daughter.

Marla, like many parents in today’s culture, have demonstrated parenting techniques to what is referred to as “permissive’ parenting.  Permissive parenting is a parenting style in which the parent(s) have difficulty with setting and following through with expectations/rules, consequences and boundaries with their child(ren).  Essentially, permissive parents become afraid, or don’t care to, tell their children ‘NO.’

The danger of permissive parenting is that the parent is really creating short-term gratification to their child with long-term suffering and damage for their child.  The child never learns how to deal with some of the most important lessons of life including disappointment and emotions of anger or sadness.  Parents feel good that they can please their child, yet will eventually feel miserable because their child will continue to ’up the ante’ and go to greater lengths to push their parents.  It’s true, kids want their parents to say No (but it’s a secret, they don’t want you to know this and will act terribly disappointed when you do).   

Next time you feel like giving in to your child because it might be easier, you don’t have time, or because you want you child to like you … Remember to help him/her the best way you know how.  Respect yourself as a parent and follow your boundaries. I give you permission … say “NO … because I love you.”

by Audra Eggum, MSW, LCSW